i wish we could open our eyes...

youre just a midnight snack...

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 20:32:23 GMT

i am entirely OBSESSED with how i look.
i judge others by how they look.
image rules me entirely.

i cry at the drop of a hat.
though you would never know it as it just looks like my eye is watering.

this obsession with my own vanity fucking kills me.
because i will never live up to my own standards.

i am not a 10.
i am not visually perfect and i cant stand it.

I CANT STOP.

I like a girl who eats and BRINGS IT UP
a sassy little frassy with bulimia
her best friend's a PLASTIC SURGEON
and when her Beamer's in the shop she rolls the Benz
manis and pedis on Sundays and Wednesdays
MONEY FROM MOMMY lovely in Versace
costly sprees, it's on at Barney's
and I love to watch her go through fifty g's calmly
she gets naughty with her pilates body
and thinks it's really funny when her nose goes bloody
'cause the blow is SO YUMMY and it keeps her tummy EMPTY
and makes her ACT MORE FRIENDLY

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 15:30:36 GMT

once my flame
and twice my burn

maybe this can be worked out.

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 04:29:36 GMT

only 4 days until chicago.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:05:53 GMT

you should know that i care.
even if it doesnt seem like i do.

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 01:34:53 GMT

9 days.
going to chicago.
thats right.
to the chi-town.
to see amo.
in 9 days... i will be boarding a plane to go and see my best friend whom i havent seen since christmas.

i cant wait to get the fuck away from here and re-compose myself.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 04:18:11 GMT

i am not enjoying this anymore.
you have no fucking idea.

shes chained to a wall and cant fall free...

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 20:25:27 GMT

i want you to understand that my malevolence is just a way to win.
i want you to asphyxiate on the words.
i want you to have just enough rope to hang yourself.
i want you to know that i know...

i want so many things right now and just as i think im getting something right, i come to find out that i am in fact, not even close.
i pretty much hate the world as a whole right now which makes me sick and sad and a whole pile of shit that i dont care to devulge because i cant find the words to articulate what i mean without sounding like a complete nervous wreck... which i dont feel like at this moment in time anyway.

today i want to throw a rock at a window just to see what happens.
because im pretty sure that today i am the window and i dont know what would happen if someone were to throw a rock at me.
would i shatter or crack or just simply repel the rock...

i have a lot of pent up frustration that i cant place.
i want to place it though.
so then i can throw a rock at it.

imagine.

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 23:22:00 GMT

the lions pick their teeth with your bones, christian.
your only crime, was falling in love with a lion.

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 07:49:38 GMT

bigote means mustache.
we used to make fun of our lady spanish teacher and say BIGOTE! really loud in class.
im a bitch.
think about it.

oh yes and by the way...

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 21:48:49 GMT

sometimes people are shady
and will act like a completely different person
to throw you off.

and if you have some sort of issue with me
tell me to my fucking face.

if you cant do that and be honest
then you can most certainly feel free to
EAT MY ASS.

i dont really know why i cant get around things.
but im really offended.

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 01:47:19 GMT

realization.
what i think and feel doesnt really matter anyway.

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 20:21:25 GMT

last night i had a dream that i was afflicted with the stigmata.
it left me with a really strange dream residue that felt all too real.
weird things.

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:53:13 GMT

"if you saw yourself at a bar, would you ask yourself out?"

..."i would see myself, and go running in the opposite direction."

i know that you could care less but...

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:15:42 GMT

i think my heart is entirely broken and i feel like curling into a ball and dying tonight.
im sad.
im angry.
im horrified.
im disgusted.
because im being lied to.
and thats not ok.

wrong

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 04:09:16 GMT

sometimes the things you say and do scare me.
sometimes im pretty sure that i dont know who you are anymore.

sometimes im pretty sure that i dont know what i think.

sometimes im pretty sure that i should just keep my fucking mouth shut and my thoughts to myself because it doesnt matter anyway.

im sorry for a lot of things that i cant control.

wrong.\

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 04:08:49 GMT

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 20:09:03 GMT

ok.

new year.
start fresh.
try again.
things will be less hectic this time around.
or heres hoping.

bree goes to hawaii tomorrow.
i will be alone for ten days.
maybe i can use this time to regroup and try to improve upon a few things that ive been stressed out about.

i will be going to d-town for a visit.
i will spend good quality time with people there that i dont get to see as often as i would like.

i am anxious about a lot of things that i cant quite pin down.

snow and sadness

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 02:23:23 GMT

i do not like being lied to.
especially to my face.
i do not like feeling used.
especially when all im trying to do is be a good person.
i do not like being sick.
especially at the least opportune times.
i do not like when it snows and i cant drive because of it.
especially on nights i want to do something outside of my apartment.
i do not like being yelled at.
especially when i havent done anything wrong.
i do not like when i feel like i dont have any friends.
especially because i really need someone to cheer me up and talk to who has a completely unbias opinion.

c-to-the-ris-mass

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 03:18:27 GMT

ummm...
i hate being in duluth because it tears me down into this pile of sadness which is why the only reasons i ever come up is because im getting tattooed or because my parents make me feel obligated.
its funny because i get haggled on the street more in duluth than i do in fcuking minneapolis alone at night.
i wish that i was with bree for christmas because we havent gotten to spend any holidays together yet in over a year.
the plus side of being home is free food and the fact that im getting presents.
im completely broke and have $73 to live off of until february 13th.
(which in large part was due to unforseen happenings which cost lots of money.)
on the up and up however i made it through the first semester of school... which i honestly did not expect to do.
hoo-ray.
i dont go back until january 22nd.
woot.
blah blah babble
end.

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 07:53:07 GMT

thanksgiving was not as stupid this year as anticipated...
but sadly so because none of my relatives got fall down drunk and made inapropriate jokes next to my grandma like usual.
l-a-m-e.

i packed like mad today, and drove over to the new apartment with the car stuffed full of boxes and a vicious cactus (which later attacked as i was trying to unlock the door.)
there i spent a good hour trying to put the few things (that i had a place for) where they should go.
i do not like the process of moving thanks.
doing it alone today was a challenge, but i didnt find myself bored at all.
and it helps that i could take my time and do things my way.

bree came home tonight and that was a happy thing.
she brought me two books of illustrations all by the same artist and they are fantastic.

i do not want to go back to school after this break.

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 06:05:14 GMT

pretty sure that you have no idea how much i miss this.

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 04:44:28 GMT

i wish that people wouldnt lie to me.
because i know.
its not that fucking hard to figure out.

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 20:51:25 GMT

homework is stupid

oh... but
red bull+me=<3

maury is by far one of the tackiest shows ever
and i love it
hillarious

moving is not fun
but it will be fun when we are all moved

ps. thanksgiving is the stupidest holiday ever.

lady bits, red bull addicts, and insomniacs. common factor= me.

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 09:16:02 GMT

hi.
lets recap the last little while.

i got my lady bits pierced about a week ago and i love it.
dont even bother asking if it hurt, because one should know damn well that having a very big needle shoved through your unit parts would not feel nice.
but it was so worth it.
im getting more done in a few weeks if i can afford to do so.
(woot!)

sara and i took some suicide girls pictures tonight which (not going to lie) got a little crazy.
it was fun.
i think she and i can be friends now.
yep.
watch out for us bitches.
(because we are silly... and naked... and scandalous.)

i smoke way more than i should.
i know this because i was winded after three flights of stairs at school today.
(not very silly.)

i registered for the second semester of school.
i hope this round will be better.
i suck at time management.

i have become hopelessly addicted to red bull.
i think i drink around three a day on average.
my heart is bound to explode one of these days.
(sick!)

im hanging out with lauryn tomorrow.
should be sweet.
maybe hit the uptown area or something.

bree and i are moving into a bigger apartment.
jeremy is staying for a while.
but no one knows really how long a while is.
(a little silly maybe.)
i am excited because theres so much more room and its very nice.

the super fat people next door play music in the shower and three am and sing along... together.
and make other vulgar noises in the night as well which keeps me awake.
(not in the least bit even sort of silly. at all.)

ive reverted into major insomnia once again.
i think the winter does it to me.
which makes it harder than ever to get up in the morning which in return completely fucks me over for getting to school on time.

thanksgiving is the lamest holiday ever.
and im going to be with my entire family whom i make uncomfortable and confused.
so help me if they ask "did that hurt?"
because someone always does.
lame lame lame.

i had to scrape frost off my car this morning.
(once again with the not even remotely silly.)

i discovered that i really like to make books.
the physical making of the cover and binding and insertion of paper.
it makes me happy.
(yay.)

i have been craving cream cheese wantons all day.
no good.
but so amazing.

i can not believe it is almost december already.

fin!

2:45am.

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 08:46:53 GMT

2:45am right now.
and tony and i are more or less cuddling in my bed.
because bree is in alexandria and so tony is here for a visit and we are not sleepy.
yay!
we watched jawbreaker and went to perkins and sexworld.
it was a party.
perkins in burnsville is cool.
because i can smoke there.
inside.
chyeas.
and now im not sleepy and i wish i was a little because i know i wont want to get up in the morning.
and i sort of want to draw/ play with photoshop/ take more scandalous pictures for SG/ make a book.
jeremy is moving in/ staying with bree and i for a while.
that should be interesting.
and a party.
indeed!